Fresh Flowers

There are women whose thoughtful husbands buy them flowers for no reason. And then there's me. One day I couldn't stand it any longer. "Why don't you ever bring me flowers?" I asked.

"What's the point?" my husband said. "They die after about a week."

"So could you," I shot back, "but I still like having you around."

Blindsided: Reader's Digest

Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs. One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets."

Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant. The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."

"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."

The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.

His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine. "You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.

"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"

Happy Days

^^^^^^^ Nanu & Dibbu ^^^^^^^


As soon as my cab entered Meerut, I felt a sense of belongingness ...unlimited child hood memories, lessons learnt, acquaintances made, those cycle lessons, fighting over endless hide n seek, meals at neighbors place, staying at friends place, making castles in the sand, getting hurt while picking fruits from the backyard, waiting for the school bus at the same bus stop for close to 9 years,..... oh so much to remember....... I was overwhelmed. So much has changed in my home town.... the fast life has caught up this city, which was relaxed in its pace. However, suddenly a gush of incidents like a morning walk at 5.30 a.m on a chilly winter morning; getting breakfast for all, when we'd stay at his place; Ice- creams after lunch; scolding us for eating snacks when they were being served for only my dad (lol); getting us endless dresses...... oh god when it comes to courtseys you cant's really beat him!!!!

As my cab took turns and finally reached my Nanu's place, I just hurriedly went inside and hugged him. He was lying comfortably ( Knowing him I guess I made him uncomfortable ).... all I asked him was- "Are you still writing it?" He said, "No!" before I could react, everyone came in the room so dint want to bring this topic. For those of you who don't know what am I referring to, its just that I have requested him to pen down his childhood days, any memories and special events in his life, for it would be the memories for future generations to come. Bed time stories of his real life incidents. I wish he does it at his own pace but does it.

He's 94, has a fragile frame and his glasses, have been there for n number of years! The only one living grand parent I have. I really value him and his presence. Thanks god once again!!!!

Reader Digest Joke

As I was admitted to the hospital prior to a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."

"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I asked coyly.

"No," he said. "But it costs just as much."

Cursing at WORK

To:

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout
the company have been using foul language during the course of normal
conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this
type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
convey your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 19 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been
provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an
effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be f___ing sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Number 19
TRY SAYING: Has this been thought out?
INSTEAD OF: What the f___ could go wrong!

Thank You,
Human Resources

Have a good day!!!

For all the Dog Loverzzzzzzzzz

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his
tongue.
-Anonymous




There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney


Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are
incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate.
-Anonymous


Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise .
-Unknown


My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein


Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein


If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain


Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras


If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket
and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

For All men who want to woo "WOMEN"

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE



(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.



(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.



(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!



(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)



(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.



(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').



(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!



(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

*Thought for the Day: Believe

This story is dedicated to all the poeple who are disoriented in their life for some reason or the other. Cheer up!!! Bad dats only mean that your good time is about to begin!!!! Keep the faith :)
A young and successful executive was travelling down a
neighbourhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was
watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when
he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared.
Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes
and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.

The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest
kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all
about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car
and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do
it?"

The young boy was apologetic.
"Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to
do,"He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..."
With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the boy pointed to a
spot just around parked car. "It's my brother," he said. "He rolled off
the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you
please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too
heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly
swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back
into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the
fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be
okay..

"Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger.

Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy push his
wheelchair- bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very
noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door.
He kept the dent there to remind him of this message "Don't go through
life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your
attention!"

God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when
we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us.

It's our choice to listen or not.

*Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring and sunrise every morning.
Yes my, friend - He loves you!
*God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without
rain, but He did promise strength for the day,comfort for the tears, and light for
the way.